What is a Hillbilly?

What is a Hillbilly?  How should I know?  How should anyone know, really?  There probably is some kind of information out there somewhere about Hillbillies, maybe in one of those places where you can find books and information and stuff, like a library.  Instead of doing real research I decided to just ask people what a Hillbilly was or is or wuz, depending on who I was talking to and the dialect I wuz or wasn't using.  Most responses were like, "Hill-what?" or "Excuse me but I am turbo texting on the latest I-Maxi-Pad" or whatever the latest device out there is.  Since I have a beard a few people said that I ought to know.  But, really, my beard is way too short to be confused with rabid mountain folk who don't have access to scissors or beard trimming accessories or electricity.  Isn't that how we think of Hillbillies?

Maybe, maybe not.  After all, we live in the 21st century!  Everyone has scissors!  And, going out on a limb, electricity as well!  It seems, then, the stereotypical Hillbilly can't get a break.  It could be there just aren't enough "real" Hillbillies to believe in the mythological/stereotypical Hillbilly anymore!  Say it ain't so, Li'l Abner.  Speaking of which, it is too bad there are not more, or any, for that matter, Daisy Mae-types running around. Yes, there are attractive women in places where you would think you could find some Hillbillies.  And yes, there are men and women, too, with quadruple muffin tops in those same areas (and unfortunately everywhere it seems, yikes!).  Men, come on, you aren't suppose to have even one muffin top!  What kind of hormones are they putting in our food!  Anyway, the  real point of this is to find more women who look like Daisy Mae.  Hillbillies come back (if you look like Daisy Mae from Li'l Abner, natcherly)!  Everyone else wear less revealing clothes.

Of course, when thinking about the concept of HILLBILLIES (dramatic, ain't it?) there is something (dare I use a cliché? yes) of the noble savage that comes to mind.  Call them survivors, call them self-reliant, call them unfettered from modern society, just don't call them because they probably don't have telephones or cell phones.  Ah, maybe, maybe not.  Hailing from a state right in the heart of Appalachia you can become sensitive to the stereotype of the Hillbilly.  But if you live in a place where someone might call you a Hillbilly just by default (hi, West Virginians) all you have to do is look around and see that the latest I-Maxi-Pad the xenophobe who looks at you with stereotypical eyes owns is also owned by half the state.  There is internet here, too!  And so are guns, with people who safely know how to use them!

Don't worry.  The HILLBILLY is still alive and well.  Just because he doesn't have a beard (though he might), tie his pants with a  rope and own an outhouse doesn't mean he has left the planet.  No, the spirit of the HILLBILLY lives on, maybe in each and every one of us who call ourselves survivors, self-reliant and to a lesser extent cell phone haters.  Though the word redneck has taken the place of hillbilly as a term of endearment and derision, the h-word still has meaning, too.  The mythological HILLBILLY is out there, self-reliant and self-made as ever (At least on Duck Dynasty.  And, yes, there are hills in Louisiana.  Good for them).  So, no matter where you live, embrace your inner noble  HILLBILLY with pride (beard optional).